Brother
by mille feuille marzipan
Summary: [oneshot] Four years and still the Elrics had not found the Philosopher's Stone. A few days after his sixteenth birthday, Ed realizes the length in time since they began their journey. And blames the lack of succession on himself.


I really don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Brother

Edward Elric was in his room that he and Al would temporarily be staying in while they had resided in Central HQ. His younger sibling had gone out for a bit, to help 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye with something he didn't really know. Not that he cared in the first place. He had been pondering about a few things. He started thinking about a few alchemic equations and such. That train of thought led him to realize something.

He had just turned sixteen a few days ago. That meant it had already been four years ever since he and Al began this journey to find the Philosopher's Stone. And they still have not found what they have been looking for.

This realization lied heavy in the complex innards of his mind. Oh, how he wished for the thought to just zip on out of his head, like any other thought. But the cursed thing had slipped into his head, and refused to slip back out. In a crazed desperation, he decided that continuously banging his head on the desk would be worth a shot.

So that's what he did.

And it just so happened that Colonel Roy Mustang was passing by the room. Coincidence? I don't think so. Bad karma? Hm, possibly. One thing's for sure: Mustang definitely heard the banging. He paused in his steps and pressed his ear against the door, to hear any clue of what the boy was doing. Not getting anything but rhythmic banging, he settled for a different approach.

"Fullmetal?" he called inside

He recieved a groan that said, "Go away; I'm busy and I seriously don't wanna talk to you" followed by more rhythmic banging

"Fullmetal, what on earth are you doing in there?"

Another groan. This time it said, "Who wants to know?"

The flame alchemist sighed, "Fullmetal, I'm coming in."

Roy opened the door and saw the no-longer-vertically-challenged teen in his head-banging ritual. Ed didn't seemed fazed by Roy's entrance; he just ignored the man.

"Um...Fullmetal?"

The braided boy paused in his actions and looked at him, "Whaddya want?"

"I was going to ask...What were you doing just now?"

"Is that all? I thought it was something important. Besides, it **should** be obvious." The blonde continued banging his head against the desk. The elder man sighed and walked over to him. When Ed's head went up, Roy grabbed his braid and made sure his head stayed up.

"...Okay, why are you pulling at my hair?" the sixteen-year-old asked irritably

"I'll answer that when you answer my first question: what the heck are you doing?"

The younger alchemist sighed in annoyance, "Well, if you must know, I'm banging my head on this desk here."

"I can see that." the pyro-colonel told him, "For what reason?"

"I'm trying to get a very annoying thought out of my head."

"..." The black-haired man let the boy's braid go, making his head fall and smack itself on the wooden desk.

"...Ow..."

"I thought you were smarter than that, Fullmetal." Roy said, "But, with all those brain cells you killed while banging your head, I think I can understand."

Ed's head remained down. He didn't utter a word. The flame colonel was wondering if he was even breathing. That was when Al walked in.

"Oh, hello Mr. Mustang."

"Hello Alphonse. How are you?"

"I'm fine." He looked over to his elder brother, "Um...Nii-san?"

Yet another groan.

"Is something wrong, Nii-san?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing serious." Roy answered for him, "He's just having some head troubles."

"...Head troubles?"

"I think you said enough, Mustang." Ed suddenly told him, pushing his superior out of the room. Once he was outside, Ed slammed the door.

"Geez...He just never knows when to keep his mouth shut..."

"Nii-san, what's wrong?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" the elder boy asked, "There's nothing wrong."

"Then why was-?"

"It was Mustang." Ed lied, "You can always trust him to do something freaky."

"...Um...Alright..."

Al didn't buy it, but he let the matter go anyway. If something was wrong with his brother, he would tell him. Even if he was hiding it, Al'll just wait until Ed is good and ready to confide his problem in him.

The day went by as usual. The Elrics, unfortunately, had an encounter with Major Armstrong, who had been away on a month long mission in Xing, in the halls. He wasn't aware of Ed's birthday and sudden growth spurt, so...

"Is that you Edward Elric?"

"Huh?" both brothers turned around and saw the infamous (at least in their minds) Major Armstrong.

"Oh, crap." Ed muttered

The Strongarm Alchemist ran over and gave the two vice-grip bear hugs, much to the blonde's dislike. Cue Ed's screams that didn't seem to be heard by Armstrong

"Oh, how I have missed you both! Edward Elric, have you grown?"

"Er...Yeah?"

Wrong answer

"I am so proud of you!"

More screaming can be heard all around Central...Heck, it could even be heard around the country. A few minutes after Armstrong had left, Ed had picked himself off the floor and asked,

"Is it over yet Al?" He couldn't really tell if Armstrong was still there most likely due to the excruciating pain

"Yes, Nii-san, it's been over for a few minutes now."

"Okay..."

"Hey, Chief." Al turned to see the familiar face of 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc and Warrant Officer Vato Fallman

"Ouch, what happened to you Ed?"

"...Armstrong happened..."

"Ooh..."

The two helped Ed back to his room. Night fell and Al "slept" while Ed killed some time by reading. The next day was the same, except the metal-legged (and armed) alchemist wasn't in his little head-banging ritual but instead (to most military personel) depressed.

He wouldn't talk **at all**. Ed would always use a face gesture and body language. This freaked out his brother, Roy, Riza, Havoc, Fallman, Fury, Breda, everyone! Hughes would've even been shocked, if he was still among the living. Riza even phoned Winry to come once hopefully to snap him out of his little phase. But, it didn't work.

Two weeks so far. The whole time, Ed had been scribbling sonething that no one knew on a piece of paper. He would write something, pause for a second and either cross it out or leave it alone and keep writing. When Al would come by, he would cover the paper or hide it. That got Al suspicious. But he knew that he couldn't do it alone. So he went to Roy.

"Mr. Mustang?"

"Hm? Oh, hello Alphonse." he greeted, "What brings you here?"

"I know that you and the others have noticed a change in Nii-san's behavior and...um...I was wondering if you would help me with something that might get him to change back to normal..."

"...Continue."

"Well, there's this paper that Nii-san writes on a lot, and he would always hide it from me. I think it could be a clue to what's wrong."

Roy pondered for a moment and said, "Alright. I'll help you get the paper."

"Really? Thank you!"

"Not a problem. Like you said, there's bee a change in your brother's behavior, and quite frankly it's scaring us."

So they talked for a bit about what they'll do to snatch the paper, take a look and find a way to solve his problem. Al would stall Ed for a few minutes in the hall, leaving Roy to go into their room and take the paper. Roy would exit the room and pass by Al and Ed, giving him the signal that he's got it. The two decided that they would commence their plan that afternoon.

"Ready?"

"Yup."

"Okay, I see him. Go."

Al went over to his brother while Roy scrambled to the Elric dorm. The black-haired man searched almost everywhere in the room. He finally found the thing folded up, inside Ed's state alchemist watch.

_Clever little punk..._

Roy went out of the room and heard Al trying to find a subject to talk about. He quickly, yet casually, made his way over and passed the two brothers. Al's voice stopped and said,

"Oh shoot! I forgot! I had to help the colonel with something!"

Metal footsteps clinked and the younger Elric was then right next to him. Roy looked back and saw Ed wearing a confused face. Inwardly, the pyro-alchemist laughed at his cluelessness. When they finally reached Mustang's office, the man quickly locked the door.

"Okay...Time to see what Fullmetal's been obsessing over..."

Roy unfolded the paper and read its contents. Al saw the expression on the colonel's face change. He had seen that expression before; he would always have it on when he would visit Hughes' grave. The elder man reluctantly handed him the paper. The armor-bound teen took it and read its contents as well.

"...I think I get it now...Why Nii-san was so sad..."

"Yeah..."

"Thank you for helping me, Mr. Mustang. I appreciate it very much."

"You're welcome Alphonse."

"Oh, crap, where is it?" Ed asked himself. The paper he was writing on wasn't in his silver pocket watch anymore. And he knew that he had put it there that morning. That was when Al entered the room.

"Nii-san?"

"Not now Al."

"But Nii-san-."

"Al, I'm bus-."

The younger Elric had his metal arm extended. The paper was in his hand.

"**You** took it?"

"I'm sorry, Nii-san." he apologized, "I just wanted to know what was wrong."

Ed sighed, "I can't ever hide anything from you, can I?"

"Nii-san, why do you hide your feelings from me?"

"I just don't want'cha to worry. It's all my fault anyway, that you're like this."

"But Nii-san, it could've been worse. You could've done it alone and I might not have a brother."

"..."

"Nii-san, it's not your fault. I don't blame you. And we're gonna find it."

"I know, but..."

"No but's Nii-san! I'll hurt you if you continue the depression act!"

Ed's expression: O.o

"Al...Is that really you?"

"I'm not kidding. You're scaring everyone." he stated, "And I don't want you to hide anything from me. We'll get by, together."

"...Guess so..."

"So are you gonna go back to normal or do I have to hurt you?"

"Er...I'll go back to normal."

"Good. 'Cause I was kinda bluffing."

Ed slapped his forehead and started to laugh.

Knock, knock, knock

"Come in."

Roy was doing his paperwork (with some threats from Riza, of course). He heard the door open but didn't look up.

"Yo, Mustang."

"Huh?" He lifted his head up and was hit by a crumpled piece of paper

"...And what, may I ask, was that for Fullmetal?"

"For going in my room and searching my stuff. Hope you didn't touch any of my clothes."

"I only recall lifting your red jacket."

"...I'll be sure to wash it numerous times."

"I know you're here for a reason, Edward, now what do you want?"

"Just wanted to apologize for the depression act."

"Don't worry about it. Oh, Edward, I noticed that you didn't bang your head the past two weeks."

"That? I got the thought out on that paper. Maybe if you burn it, my doubt'll disappear."

"Worth a shot, Edward. I'll try it."

"Thanks."

Ed walked away and left the room. The flame man unfolded the paper, and once again read the shorter boy's thoughts. He snapped his fingers and the ashes of the paper fell to his desk. Taking the ashes, he opened a window and let the ashes get carried away by the wind.

As the black dots flew away, Roy could have sworn that he faintly heard Ed's voice singing the words that were written.

_How can I repay you brother of mine?_

_How can I expect you to forgive?_

_Clinging to the past, I shared a part_

_And shattered your chance to live_

_Though I knew the laws, I payed no heed_

_How can I return your wasted breath?_

_What I did not know has cost you dear_

_For there is no cure for death_

_Beautiful mother, soft and sweet_

_Once you were gone, we were not complete_

_Back through the years, we reached for you_

_Alas, it was not meant to be_

_And how can I make amends_

_For all that I took from you?_

_I led you a hopeless dream_

_My brother, I was a fool_

_Don't cry for the past now brother of mine_

_Neither you nor I are free from pain_

_Nothing can erase the things we did_

_For the path we took was the same_

_Beautiful mother, soft and sweet_

_Once you were gone, we were not complete_

_Back through the years, we reached for you_

_Alas, it was not meant to be_

_My dreams may be blind and new_

_I long to return to that time_

_I follow without a word_

_My brother, the fault is mine_

_So where do we go from here_

_And how to forget and forgive?_

_What's gone is forever lost_

_Now all we can do is live..._

-Owari-

I'm sorry for this lame excuse of a fic. I'm sorry if I wasted your time while you read this piece of crap.


End file.
